I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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