walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
