My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
should my penis look like a turkey
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have fence marks all over my body
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
