we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
