in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
