So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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