I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
