When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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