she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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