My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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