After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
