The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So many bounce houses so little time
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
