the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
