dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
