dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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