So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
