I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
