He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
