If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize