She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
