I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
