Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I just shit out all my problems.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
