I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Boobs are out for the taking
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
