Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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