we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
