I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
