she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
