from now on my penis is your penis
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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