Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
