Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
