oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
