Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
