Pants 0. Shit 1.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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