my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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