3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
