I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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