Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
