and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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