i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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