I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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