2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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