He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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