She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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