im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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