I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
