Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
