I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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