It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
