When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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