he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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