I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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