I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
