Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
