Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Two words: blizzard sex
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
