I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
