i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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