3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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