Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Life is so much better after having sex.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
