you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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