apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
