Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
