I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
