No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
