Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think I sprained my soul last night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
