I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
