remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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