Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
