dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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