I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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