I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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