You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
