If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
