oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
