It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
false alarm, still single
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