Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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