I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
