They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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