All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
