Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
