so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
