That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
