Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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