btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
