I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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