I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
