I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
