Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize