is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
