my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
