Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
