So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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