A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
