if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
