We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
