Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
