So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
