i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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