I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
