one two three fourrrrnication!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
