You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
