Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
