booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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