it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
