The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
