First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Randomize
