I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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