She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
