I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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