I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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