I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my being single is dangerous.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
