Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
