I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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