I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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