I can feel you judging me through the phone.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
