honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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