He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Pooping to opera.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize