I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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