Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
