I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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