HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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