we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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