.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
