I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
