Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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