Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
