Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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