I swear she didn't look like that last week.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
